Living in a nightmare I can't wake up from...

by Colleen
(Oroville, Ca.)

Living in a nightmare I can't wake up from...

In July of 2011, I made an appointment to see a new GP for my low thyroid condition. Two days before the appointment my arms and legs swelled up like balloons and were normal again on the appointment day.

When the young doctor arrived I started rambling about not only the brief edema, but sores on my head and arms that weren't healing, a tingling sensation between my shoulders, constantly tight neck muscles, and pain in my thumbs and knee joints.

He smiled politely and wrote scripts for various creams and pills and set me up for x-rays and some blood tests.

When the results came in I was in shock. He told me that not only was there arthritis in the thumb and knee, but in EVERY joint and bone in my body. Not only that, but Lymphdema and right side heart failure. This all seemed unbelievable considering a few weeks before I was hiking around the mountains with my dog and feeling just fine!

I accepted his prognosis and added all the new pills to my morning routine.

For as long as I can remember I've made a list for things I needed to do the following day. I've always stuck to that list and usually would get it all done. But by October, I was unable to even get any household chores done let alone the things on my list.

Depression took me over and anxiety to be out in public kept me frozen. My poor dog had to learn patience since she wasn't getting her sunrise walk until late afternoon, if at all.

Back to the doctor I went, returning with a script for anxiety. I look at all those bottles and remember how before 2011 I hadn't seen a doctor in 15 years.

It was nearly Xmas by now and I hadn't started on any of the gifts yet. I forced myself to get started on a pair of earrings and while looking through the magnifier discovered I had a nail fungus that extended around my cuticles and up my index fingers. (I'd thought it calluses)

After 5-6 weeks of twice daily applications it was only slightly better. I was starting to notice lots of little black "seeds" around the house and I had developed pimple like lumps on my upper back. They wouldn't go away so I decided to try a deep pore cleansing mask.

As I covered the last one that tingling sensation began and when it had dried and I was washing it off the nightmare began. I felt them open and all of these "things" started wiggling down my back. I screamed and started brushing at them with a back scrubber and watched as small flesh colored blobs washed down the drain. By the third pass with my brush I could feel the things migrating down INSIDE my back. I now knew what that tingling sensation was. Well, kinda.

I could barely get myself dressed after that, but decided I needed to go to the emergency. I was hoping there I would get answers and another pill that would kill off the rest. What I got were knowing nods and smirks.

It seemed that the whole of the ER must of made up some reason to come to admittance and check out the crazy lady. The female doctor was courteous and tried to be understanding of my distress, but when she asked what I thought it had been, or if I could show some to her my heart sank. I hadn't thought to save any.

When she left to get something I waited about 15 minutes then left also. A few days later the pharmacy called. She had sent a prescription over for Lidocaine patches
which the insert says are used for scabies. I could still feel them moving under the patches and nothing ever stuck to them.

Since then I've been seeing things on and in everything. I feel them in my brain, my heart, my lungs. I've imagined worms turning me into swiss cheese since I sometimes feel them squiggling in my nose and ears. Some were painfully trying to chew their way out of my little toe.

I can't remember my thought process at the time, but I figured they were carnivores and put a piece of the chicken I was trying to eat under the toe. Sure enough, out came what I thought would be little worms. Was I surprised to see itty bitty cocoons!?

I've been back to that doctor, and I had him give me pills for bacteria and fugus. I've had him do a complete lab work up for parasites - nothing.

Only in the past week have I realized that what I thought had been lint is really what has been the cause of it all.

I'd heard about Morgellons on Coast to Coast years ago, but never thought I would end up with it myself.

My dogs joints are swelling now and she's itching. I'm seeing small "cocoons" on her. Guess whatever effects them too. There's "fur" that crackles like it's full of static electricity and is as sticky as cobwebs. Now the vet thinks I'm a wacko also.

How am I going to explain this to the people I've told? Hope to put my own pictures up soon.

Dear Colleen,

So sorry to hear of the living nightmare you feel you can't wake up from. My heart goes out to you sincerely.

Sadly, parasite and fungal issues are so often overlooked by conventional medicine professionals simply because it is not something they are trained in dealing with.

Typically, the testing for these conditions is completely unreliable as well. I know that sounds kind of hopeless, but if you are convinced by what you are seeing in your body and in your home, there are natural herbal treatments, etc, that you can use without a prescription that are likely to give you much better results.

I'm often accused of just trying to "push my products" to people who write in with their horrific parasite and fungal issues. At the risk of another accusation, I can't help but encourage you to seriously consider following the Morgellons treatment protocol that we have suggested.

You don't have to order the supplements through our site if that makes you feel any better. ;) Yes, we earn a commission on sales for many of the products we suggest throughout the site, which enables us to maintain the website and spend time helping people with their health concerns, but anyone is free to search for the products elsewhere if they prefer.

My heart is simply to help people find the relief and healing that has eluded them through other avenues. I have personally used most of the supplements that I have suggested and feel confident in their quality and effectiveness.

Having said that, I would also encourage you to read over the candida diet guidelines and make some changes in your diet to help your body get the fungus under control.

Also, I was interested on what you said about your low thyroid function. It may be completely unrelated, but I wonder when/if you last had your hormone levels tested?

Are you still on all the medications that the doctor originally prescribed for all those initial conditions he diagnosed?

I look forward to seeing your photos when you have a chance to add them, and I pray that you will be able to find healing soon.

To your good health!

Comments for Living in a nightmare I can't wake up from...

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Jun 09, 2017
suicide as an escape NEW
by: Colleen


I'm not sure that my words or suggestions will be of any help in what you're going through, but having dealt with this for over 5 years now and going into debt buying supplements myself, I might be able to offer you some useful suggestions or at least point you towards info I have found of some value. This,is all a trial and error process and what works really good this week might not help at all next week. There is also variances in each of us so there is very little which has long term consistent effects; fresh ginger, Apple Cider Vinegar, iodine and charcoal are a few that have staying power.

Your story is definitely a familiar one, including your experiences in dealing with the medical practitioners. I've come to the conclusion that they are useless no matter what health issue a person might have. It isn't completely their fault as the only thing they were taught was which pill to give for which symptom, and since this doesn't have any recognizable symptoms they prefer to call us crazy rather than step outside of the programing and consider the education they indebted themselves to learn is outdated, barbaric, and in many cases, doing more harm than good. None of it too surprising when you discover the curriculum comes from the pharmaceutical companies.

I have thyroid issues also and would agree that a hypothyroid condition has a big part in this, but it's very possible to be the other way around with the autoimmunity being the result rather than the cause. But if you do have Lyme or Morgellons, which comes with a laundry list of co-infections, addressing what causes autoimmunity and how to turn it around must be looked at. As far as I can determine the base cause of all autoimmune is almost always a leaky gut.
We could point to antibiotics, mercury fillings, gut inflammation, a poor diet, etc. as a cause for the imbalance of the guts microbiome and its permeability. But regardless of cause, we now have loads of toxins like chemicals, heavy metals, undigested proteins, and a variety of organisms such as bacteria, fungi, mold and a variety of parasites, most of which were unheard of until just a few short years ago.
So you can see why supplementation alone isn't effective. Detoxification, along with gut repair and re-population of the beneficial microbes needs to be undertaken. This requires constant vigilance of what goes into your body and environment in order to be successful.
I couldn't help but notice that on your list of foods that you've eliminated you hadn't included grains, especially wheat. If you are still eating breads, pasta, crackers, etc. you need to remove them from your diet permanently. I would also recommend removing potatoes as they contribute to permeability of the gut lining from what I've read.
I also have read that supplement users have the most expensive pee around.. That really caught my attention as they are no doubt right. It is also very likely that many supplements are actually doing more harm than good because of the fillers in them being genetically modified or containing nano which crosses our blood/brain barrier and can be programmed to do who knows what.
I think it is very likely the overload of nanotech and gmo's are the big difference between Morgellons and Lyme. These components have us and health care in uncharted water and one with limited understanding on what it's doing or how to 'fix it.'
A few YT sources I think give useful advice are "Montreal Healthy Girl" (practical and inexpensive), Wendy Myers/"live to be 100" (cutting edge, but expensive), Donna Eden (free, energy body care) and an as yet untried by me, but a personal favorite and a hero of mine, Wim Hoff. There are many, many others that can each contribute a piece to the puzzle or confuse you completely, but if you're willing to quiet your mind and pay attention, your own inner knowing will guide you.
Attitude and thought account for at least 80% of our health and healing so it is very important to think positive and feel gratitude.
Wishing you the best and success..

Jun 04, 2017
Gone To Hell NEW
by: Anonymous

Three months ago, I started getting an insect biting me, then crawling on me all night, and since my husband did not get it, I wondered what was going on. It did not take long and I could not sleep at night due to the crawling. They were getting worse. I tried everything, including $2000 worth of supplements, and I still have it. I have had many nights where I considered suicide, but I have a twin sister and husband I love dearly as well as two pets. I thought back of the days when I could sleep hours, living carefree, and thinking my life would always be like that. I have cleaned up my diet, got rid of all sugar, caffeine, fruit, and other junk food. I am taking hundreds of supplements a day including garlic and yeast fights, parasite cleaners, and yet, nothing helps. Always worse at night. Tonight I had a nervous breakdown. I feel the organism is bioengineered. My hair follicles and skin are infested, and my doctor will not believe me. There is not much help on the medical front. My vet and doctor think I am insane, but I think it won't be long and they will hear of others with the same problem. I think it started because I am hypothyroid. I read a report that the government performed, and the insect could take effect on people who were hypothyroid. That seems to be the case with most people with this disease. That is after we drank fluoride in our water for decades, leading to our thyroid's dysfunction. I believe it was all part of a larger plan to depopulate. Why don't they just give doctor-assisted suicide to those who want it, the terminally ill and elderly in pain. At this point, I think I would volunteer.

Feb 02, 2017
Perspectives and conclusions/2017 NEW
by: Colleen

First, let me say thank you to Angie for sending me the comment from DantesMom (hope I've got that right).
It's hard to believe how much time the calendar shows has passed when it feels like it's been only a few months. Isn't it odd to realize how time, perceptions, truth and even reality can be so different for each of us? Was it always this way?
I'm sure that most will read this chronicle and see only a crazy woman, but then there are only a handful of us at present who've been forced through the Looking Glass to live in Alice's world. Somewhere along the track of time the conductor remotely switched my (or our) car's destination and it is now barreling down an invisible track to an unknown destination at full speed.
Before I get into where I believe that track is headed let me back up a bit...
I guess it couldn't have been very long after my 2013 post that I had a break through. I even became grateful for getting Morgellon's, as it was the catalyst for my awakening. After going through the Agenda 21, strawman/birth certificate enslavement, false history, etc. I, not surprisingly, came across 'new age' teachings. They do make it all sound wonderful so I began practicing meditation, deep breathing, affirmations, and using Donna Eden's energy healing. (I still believe these things are beneficial) Within a very short time all of my Morgellon's symptom's were gone. I felt better than I had in 20 years and glowed with gratitude and happiness. (I still find Jan's wine gargle, but with added charcoal, is one of the most effective ways of removing it Gold roast coffee enemas to remove what has been named rope worms by the Russians. They tested 700 people and found them in every person. In the US our doctors call them a mucosal lining.)
None of my friends or neighbors remarked on the happy aspect; instead, they asked me if I was ill. This was because I had become so thin from no longer eating wheat, dairy, meat, sugar or processed and fast foods. I felt healthy and alive!
In 'new age' teachings they speak of a higher self, so when I sensed that something was using my eyes to look out of and was inserting thoughts into my head, I assumed that it must be a guide or my 'higher self'. Once I acknowledged it I was able to telepathically communicate and received information that was helpful and that I wouldn't have known otherwise. I finally got the courage to ask if it would appear to me in my dream time; and it did. In the first dream it appeared as a middle Eastern man with a wife and two children. In another dream, the same, but in this one he morphed into many other forms. In the third and final dream, I didn't see him, but I abruptly woke up in the middle of an orgasm with him laughing loudly. That was confirmation enough that this wasn't the benevolent being I had foolishly first believed.
I prayed for forgivness and asked that this entity be removed.
It has made me realize how easily my physical body and my so-called reality can be influenced and manipulated by the unseen. Between this and my neighbors comments I began sinking into dispare. That led me back to the only thing I could find familiar and comforting - food.
Consequently the Morgellons came back and is currently active again. I also know that I still have entities attached to me which need removing. I am now also aware that it isn't just entities, but also AI, certain alphabet agencies and most recently a gray alien that are monitoring me through the implanted nano technology. The gray has told me that Morgellons is changing me into a cybornetic robot so that it will be able to take control over and inhabit my body. I tend to believe it because I see that the fibers have now become silicon or polymer strands which are forming new blood and nervous systems. The cells are being filled with a crystallized honey combed polymer or something similar. There are piezo electric crystals which produce energy and recieve signals from the electromagnetic frequencies. Are you aware that most of the cell towers are weaponized?
I know you must be thinking I'm really crazy. I can only hope that I am, because the alternative is pretty frightening. How do you stop or defend yourself against or even try and change what is already nearly complete? Is this soul trapping what was meant in the Bible by 'they will wish for death, but it will not come?'
They make transhumanism sound like it is going to be a choice, but listening to a Silicon Valley sciene video,(fronted by Google), we are not being given a choice and it is already a done deal.
Sophia Smallstorm and many others, including myself, believe this is happening to everyone; not just those with Morgellons.
It is my intention to create awareness not fear, but it is being said that CERN has allowed many demons through the dimensional portals it's been creating.
In my world this has become my truth at least until I become aware of some other information. I might be being misled or given false perceptions,but you still shouldn't just dismiss this. Instead, seek out ways to protect your energy body and biofield if you're not already. This is also the key to health.
Are you feeling tired much of the time? Lacking motivation? Feeling angry a lot? Sad for unknown reasons? Blaming others for your problems? Had a change in your normal habits or routines? Missing items that you distinctly remember putting somewhere? These are some of the signs to be aware of. We are only able to see within a small frequency band so we can't even see what is really around us.
Bottom line is that Morgellons cannot be cured; only put into a dormant state which is dependent on detoxification, alkalinity, oxygenation, hydration, diet and energy work.

Jan 22, 2017
Same VERY specific and unique symptoms NEW
by: DantesMom

I'm so tired of being told I'm crazy while I am suffering horribly.

Yes Colleen I have the same things happen to me. The symptoms are so very very specific and bizarre. Well, not all; like joint pain e.g.. I am stiff hurting all over and that is very general, but the other stuff... the"weird" stuff.... the stuff that makes us sound crazy?

How can we be crazy? It's happening to a lot of people it's just that we're isolated and scared to speak up because there is no diagnosis let alone answer, and when we DO speak up, we are shamed for being "crazy."

I for one am VERY scared. This post isn't very good because I am out of it and hurting at the moment but I wanted to write because what Colleen wrote is me too.

Dec 13, 2013
for colleen NEW
by: Lucy

Hi Colleen, have you tried MMS? Its helping me. used it and said he didnt think he would be cured without it.

Did your roommate die from Morgellons or something related?

Your story makes me so sad...I am sorry you are going through this! I am going through the same thing. I think about suicide almost everyday....still here fighting though! Only because of my dog and my mom am I still here.
I miss normal life so bad...I just think about what my life was like a month ago doing normal things like laying in my bed in my sheets after going on a hike---not having to live like a lunatic!!

Nov 06, 2013
Update on your nightmare NEW
by: Angie from

Dear Colleen,
It's good to hear from you again and get an update on how you are doing. I'm so sorry about the loss of your roommate. That is so very sad, and you have my sincere sympathies.

It sounds like you are doing a lot of good things to give your body the best chance of fighting on your behalf. Good nutrition is one of the best tools to achieving the best possible health.

I know I mentioned after your first post the nutritional supplements that I recommend for Morgellons (which are also excellent in fighting any major attack on the body), but I don't know if you ever tried them.

I'm particularly thinking about the main three - Herbal Fiberblend, BarleyLife, and AIMega.

Even if they don't "cure" you of your symptoms, their regular use can really help support your immune system and improve your quality of life so that you can continue to "get right with the creator and try and find the beauty around you while it's still here to enjoy."

Speaking of that, although I'm definitely not an expert in the medical field, I am somewhat of an expert in the field of getting to know God (the Creator). :) That's what I help people do as my "main" job. This is something I just do "on the side."

I'd be honored if you'd read this page I wrote on cleansing your heart. Feel free to ask there or privately if you prefer. I'd be so pleased to help you get to know God personally or better if I can.

No matter what our health is like at this moment, there is no doubt that every one of us will be standing before God one day, and we all need to be ready.


Nov 05, 2013
Just to update NEW
by: Colleen

Hello Angie,
Well it's been over a year since I last checked in. I'd been avoiding any sites relating to Morgellons due to being tracked and web sites posting that they no longer existed upon me visiting them. Must of been the fact I was relating this condition to the illegal aerosol spraying being done.
Soon after I posted last time my roommate started having the same symptoms. He never would acknowledge that this was a gmod, attributing it all to the usual known suspects. Instead of changing his diet he visited every doctor and emergency room in the county coming home with more pills and creams that never worked. He passed away this past June.
As for me, I still have the damn stuff. It must be through sheer will power and stubbornness that I'm still around.
I have tried every detox and cleanse out there and although it offers relief it hasn't cured. I even contacted a healer in Australia who uses Kinseology. Without me having said a word about Morgellons (I contacted him for an auric and spiritual cleanse) he said there was something alien living in me that was in the 100's of trillions. He said he could rid me of it, but it's been two months so I'm no longer hopeful on that.
I've pretty much gone raw, only having cooked vegies a couple times a week, but that might change as winter comes on. I drink charcoal, Bentonite clay, Haritaki powder and Ormus daily. I eat lots of tumeric, ginger and garlic and use detox foot baths and pads. I take several glutathione boosting supplements and tons of natural fruits high in vitamin C and try to keep my pH at 7.5 and drink lots of distilled water. Still it is active.
I am beginning to think there is a connection with this and all the frequencies bombarding us which I believe accelerates it's growth.
But despite my continued struggle I realize now that it's all sort of a pointless endeavor living on the West Coast with Fukushima sending mega radiation our way. This whole planet has an expiration date now unfortunately.
The main thing I see left to do is get right with the creator and try and find the beauty around me while it's still here to enjoy. I take each day as a gift and look for the normalcy of life as it used to be.
I hope you are well and that life continues to treat you good. Peace be with you.

Jul 08, 2012
by: Anonymous

Have you tried or looked into MMS?

Apr 12, 2012
living in a nightmare NEW
by: angie-coventry

been throught it all except had no help whatsoever. Gp smirks and im labled dilutional! Even friends and family end up thinking the same. You may feel alone now but i believe we will have our day and we need to stick together and never give up hope. The evil in this world is unbelievable and always always avoid GMO in what you eat. Organic it must be for us, expensive i know but please try to stick to it. Also would recommend keeping an eye on your P.H.levels and try silversheild but start with 1/2 a tespoon or look up The Finchly Clinic for sensitive cure. It really works and the detox doesnt feel like your dying. Also fibreblend helps to help clear toxins as you will know straight away. Its hard work but has to be done because you will not be able to carry on with Morgellons Syndrome and when you get good days it feels as if you are getting somewhere out of the nightmare your in. I pray for you all.

Mar 23, 2012
Living in a nightmare... NEW
by: Angie

Oh Colleen,

I'm so very sorry to hear that you've had to euthanize your dog and soon your cats. I've been there myself and know how heartbreaking that can be. My heart goes out to you in sincere sympathy.

I'm glad that you are at least learning some techniques that are enabling you to manage this condition to some extent.

I hope that you will continue to keep me posted and feel free to "vent" as you need to.


Mar 23, 2012
Morgue-ellons NEW
by: Colleen in NorCal

Seems that no one has tried my solution for getting rid of the nanoites..In my case, it's been beneficial since the edema disappears.Now if my legs and feet get over-loaded with nanoites I'll coax them out with food then plunge my feet in a baking soda bath which gets rid of any left on the surface and helps soften the biofilm they live under(surface ones anyhow).I don't get cocoons now,just lots of small maggots that I figure will keep growing into longer worms.I use this to get the maggot-like thing out of the lesions rather than try and pull or dig them out;leaving the offering for only a few seconds.
I've learned much about this affliction, but I don't understand it's evolution,only the end result.I wonder,if the news is to be beleived,why middle aged women seem to be the primary target.Or is it just that we're more observant and vocal?I don't think I will ever comprehend the depth of evil and greed it would take to create and disperse this in our water,food,and air.To essentially kill every living thing on earth. Those responsible won't even be alive to see the end result..Or will they?
Last week I had to bury my dog who was my best friend.I don't know what(if any)incubation time this has,but from the first sign that something was wrong till the time I had her euthanized was only 7-8 weeks.In the final week or so her joints were so swollen she was unable to walk,the fibers like brittle wire in her eyes,and the nanoites so large and numerous they were closing off her throat.She wasn't even three years old.Within the week I will have to do the same with our cat,as tonight I saw quite a bit of mucousy blood where he eats.
I know I said I would send pictures,but there are so many available that are far better than I could take. On one site there are pictures of a microscopic worm coming out of it's equally small burrow.That is only one of many odd creatures that exist.
I want to thank you for this space to write our experiences and observations.I imagine most of us are alone in our suffering and unable to talk to anyone.
Tomorrow I plan to return here and order what you've recommended so I might find some measure of relief before it's to late for me also.

Feb 25, 2012
Just had to share this... NEW
by: Colleen

On my initial experience story I shared how I'd placed a piece of cooked chicken under my little toe.

Well, tonight I rang that dinner bell again with amazing results. I left it there about ten minutes and when I checked it found it loaded with all of the stages, including a glistening line of bubbles that I've observed is where the fibers form; and the spores they carry.

The fibers appear to be the mycelium of this colony.I watched the fibers form,spread out,then turn into what appears is just chicken. If I wasn't looking through a 10X magnifier I'd of never seen it.

Which brings me to my theories on how I got this. The first was from my yard because I can't think of any other way I could of gotten a nail fungus.

The soil is full of puffball mycelium that I've worked at times without gloves.I've never heard of that kind of transfer, but it must happen.

The second is that these organisms are in our food, and transfer if not killed through the heat process. Maybe it's hysteria, but recently when I cooked some hamburger from a chub there they were.

It was also in the chicken that comes in bags of pre-frozen breasts you can buy. I hadn't noticed until it was cooked and I was cutting it up. Sure hope it's my imagination getting carried away on that theory. It also could be cross contamination on my part as I've noticed that any food I touch will develop mold in a couple of hours.

This mold is also coming out of the pore on my cheeks and spreads across my face. Viewed with my 10X.

I hope that someone will check the above out and let me know if they see the same things. It would be nice to know if any or all of what I think is true or hysteria.

These organisms can turn any color, any shape or any texture (I tried to show my neighbor some on a red gummy candy a while back; she thought me a mental case). They can do this within the blink of an eye and in the right environment multiply just as fast.

I wonder how long before it does to the rest of me what it has done to my fingers...

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